


Dear Sunshine

by OneMoreDay



Series: You and Me, Time and Space [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-30
Updated: 2015-12-01
Packaged: 2018-04-28 23:31:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 2,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5109533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OneMoreDay/pseuds/OneMoreDay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Will writes letters that he'll never send.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You were right about not getting a tan

Dear Jemma,

You should've been there. The sun was here and gone the next minute. Scratch that. I'm glad you're back where you belong. With people who love and care about you. With Fitz. And truffle fries. And wine that doesn't taste like vinegar.

Eighteen years till the next sunrise, eh? I guess I'll just wait.

Will


	2. A flower bloomed in the desert

Dear Jemma,

Found a new shrub today. It wasn't there before. Must've been the quick visit from the sun. I was scavenging right on the edges of the No Fly Zone. Weird texture. Then again, all the food we've scrounged up here is strange to us. Quite tasty after a splash of the wine. Also found some flowers growing in huge patch of sand. They came in different shades of blue. I couldn't find two alike. Thought I'd track down a water source. Wasn't able to find any. A miracle plant?

Maybe I'll call it Jemma. Not very science-y.

Will


	3. Time

Dear Jemma,

If I'm completely honest? Fourteen years on this planet seemed like the blink of an eye when I think about it now. I guess, going through the motions of trying to survive was therapeutic in a way. Can't remember what it's called. You do the same things over and over and over again. Like a ritual for meditation. The guy who did the talk said it wasn't about reaching a conclusion but the journey. My journey almost ended a few times during these long years. I nearly ended it myself once or twice.

But my journey also led me to you, Sunshine. And my journey isn't over yet. Not by a long shot.

Will


	4. Baby steps

Dear Jemma,

No idea how long its been since you left. Decided to fill some time by fleshing out those fantasies about the things I'd do after getting back.

First, I'll ask if you're real. And you'll offer to hit me to be sure. Then, maybe we'll get to do what you said about eating and falling asleep in the shower. Can't waste any energy or water after all.

Next, sleep. And then more sleep. You finally come to wake me with the scent of steak for breakfast. I'm getting spoiled. I rather like being spoiled.

And after that, I'll ask if I can go out in the day to see the sunlight. But you'll say "baby steps" because of something about sensory overload. I'll agree because you're always right. So, baby steps. Can't imagine how you've been feeling after returning to Earth. I'm sure your friends help you every step of the way. Take the time you need.

Take care of yourself, Sunshine. I do worry, you know.

Will


	5. Simple truth

_Dear Jemma,_

_I miss you._

_Will_


	6. A mysterious stranger. How very exciting.

Dear Jemma,

Had an encounter with IT again. Sometimes I think IT is lonely. Just like I've been lonely. And then I feel kinda sorry. Then I remember what it did to my friends and my team.

None of us had families, part of the reason why NASA chose us specifically. So all we had was each other. Pryce was very quiet. Johnson, the geologist, liked soccer. And we ribbed Ryan a whole lot on his little crush on one of the analysts. Lisa was her name, I think.

But if IT really is lonely, maybe that's why I lasted so long. Or maybe it's feeding on my presence here or whatever since there's no one else on this god forsaken planet. I don't know.

I do know I'm a such lucky bastard for meeting you though. Johnson was the pretty one. I'd like to think I'm a diamond the the rough. What do you think?

Will


	7. One sided conversations are tricky.

Dear Jemma,

Starting to run out of steam writing these letters that will never see the light of day (no pun intended). Maybe I should tell you stuff I never got the chance to before. Yeah, I think I'll do that. Let's see.

1) I used to sing in the shower. Badly. Like a tomcat howling off key.

2) Contrary to what you would like to believe, I was never a Boy Scout. Technically, I got kicked out for punching Jimmy Reznick in the face after he stole my binoculars.

3) My mother's name was Astrid. So sometimes, when I look at the stars, I don't feel so lost. You would've liked her. And I think she would've liked you too, Jemma.

4) I can't cook eggs for some reason. Or couldn't. Anyways, I can do a mean steak but I always seemed to mess up the eggs.

5) Once, on a dare, I was stupid enough to jump off a bluff into a lake. I hit something and was in a coma for a few weeks. Nearly didn't make the cut as an airforce pilot, let alone being an astronaut. Strange how fate plays out.

I also like to dance. I'm a bit out of practice though. Maybe one day, I'll take you dancing.

Will


	8. Chapter 8

Dear Jemma,

I thought I saw a portal opening but IT came out of nowhere with a sandstorm and I had to run back to camp so I might have been mistaken.

Hope that was you tinkering away with your science, Sunshine. You're an unstoppable force when you put your mind to it. I wish I was just as strong. With Fitz, you could probably take over the world. I hope you both take over this one and bring sunshine back to this place.

Will


	9. And a Happy New Year.

Dear Jemma,

Merry Christmas to me, I guess.

I found Johnson's soccer ball stuck in a crevice somewhere north of the camp. A bit deflated but I patched it up. Good enough to kick around when I'm bored. And believe me, I am bored.

Promise not to laugh at my sad attempts to do tricks with said soccer ball? Can't kick the ball as far or high as I want to. The gravity doesn't help. And time moves slower on this planet. You explained that's why I haven't really aged. And that the lack of sun has also been part of it. I could listen to you for hours.

A better Christmas present would've been you, me, and some mistletoe.

_Will_

P.s. Just remembered mistletoe's a parasitic plant. Not very romantic. Maybe some hot cocoa and that Doctor show you really like. Doctor Who?


	10. Darkness

Dear Jemma,

The ball's beyond repair now. Luckily, I found a book peeking out of the sand just outside the no-fly zone. Dusted it off to reveal Lord Byron.

It must've belonged to one of the previous explorers. Kind of happy to find something to read other than technical manuals and Archie Comics (Pryce's). There's one poem that's really hit me hard though.

 -

_I had a dream, which was not all a dream._

_The bright sun was extinguish'd, and the stars_

_Did wander darkling in the eternal space,_

_Rayless, and pathless, and the icy earth_

_Swung blind and blackening in the moonless air;_

_Morn came and went—and came, and brought no day,_

_And men forgot their passions in the dread_

_Of this their desolation; and all hearts_

_Were chill'd into a selfish prayer for light:_

_And they did live by watchfires—and the thrones,_

_The palaces of crowned kings—the huts,_

_The habitations of all things which dwell,_

_Were burnt for beacons; cities were consum'd,_

_And men were gather'd round their blazing homes_

_To look once more into each other's face;_

_Happy were those who dwelt within the eye_

_Of the volcanos, and their mountain-torch:_

_A fearful hope was all the world contain'd;_

_Forests were set on fire—but hour by hour_

_They fell and faded—and the crackling trunks_

_Extinguish'd with a crash—and all was black._

_The brows of men by the despairing light_

_Wore an unearthly aspect, as by fits_

_The flashes fell upon them; some lay down_

_And hid their eyes and wept; and some did rest_

_Their chins upon their clenched hands, and smil'd;_

_And others hurried to and fro, and fed_

_Their funeral piles with fuel, and look'd up_

_With mad disquietude on the dull sky,_

_The pall of a past world; and then again_

_With curses cast them down upon the dust,_

_And gnash'd their teeth and howl'd: the wild birds shriek'd_

_And, terrified, did flutter on the ground,_

_And flap their useless wings; the wildest brutes_

_Came tame and tremulous; and vipers crawl'd_

_And twin'd themselves among the multitude,_

_Hissing, but stingless—they were slain for food._

_And War, which for a moment was no more,_

_Did glut himself again: a meal was bought_

_With blood, and each sate sullenly apart_

_Gorging himself in gloom: no love was left;_

_All earth was but one thought—and that was death_

_Immediate and inglorious; and the pang_

_Of famine fed upon all entrails—men_

_Died, and their bones were tombless as their flesh;_

_The meagre by the meagre were devour'd,_

_Even dogs assail'd their masters, all save one,_

_And he was faithful to a corse, and kept_

_The birds and beasts and famish'd men at bay,_

_Till hunger clung them, or the dropping dead_

_Lur'd their lank jaws; himself sought out no food,_

_But with a piteous and perpetual moan,_

_And a quick desolate cry, licking the hand_

_Which answer'd not with a caress—he died._

_The crowd was famish'd by degrees; but two_

_Of an enormous city did survive,_

_And they were enemies: they met beside_

_The dying embers of an altar-place_

_Where had been heap'd a mass of holy things_

_For an unholy usage; they rak'd up,_

_And shivering scrap'd with their cold skeleton hands_

_The feeble ashes, and their feeble breath_

_Blew for a little life, and made a flame_

_Which was a mockery; then they lifted up_

_Their eyes as it grew lighter, and beheld_

_Each other's aspects—saw, and shriek'd, and died—_

_Even of their mutual hideousness they died,_

_Unknowing who he was upon whose brow_

_Famine had written Fiend. The world was void,_

_The populous and the powerful was a lump,_

_Seasonless, herbless, treeless, manless, lifeless—_

_A lump of death—a chaos of hard clay._

_The rivers, lakes and ocean all stood still,_

_And nothing stirr'd within their silent depths;_

_Ships sailorless lay rotting on the sea,_

_And their masts fell down piecemeal: as they dropp'd_

_They slept on the abyss without a surge—_

_The waves were dead; the tides were in their grave,_

_The moon, their mistress, had expir'd before;_

_The winds were wither'd in the stagnant air,_

_And the clouds perish'd; Darkness had no need_

_Of aid from them—She was the Universe._

 -

_I can't stop thinking about it. About everything that's happened here on this hellhole that was once a paradise. What happened to my team and the people who came before. But then you come along, all hopeful and science-y. Byron never met you so maybe he would've written it more differently._

Will


	11. Dreams

Dear Jemma,

Some days are harder than others. Some days, I just sleep. And on some of those days, I dream.

I used to dream of many things. Being on other planets, exploring our solar system. (Very specific space theme going on, I know). Vague visions of a having a family.

Then I started to have nightmares. Ryan coming at me with pure rage in his eyes, so different from the friendly man I knew. Being buried alive in the sand. Dying all alone without ever seeing the sun again. But then you came and the dreams changed.

Now, I dream of home. Green grass under my bare feet, giant shady trees with leaves fluttering in the wind. Birds singing. The warmth of the sun on my face. Some carnival music. The feeling of an ice cold bottle of beer in my hand. The sound of children laughing in the distance.

I dream of home, Sunshine. Thank you for that.

Will


	12. And miles to go.

Dear Jemma,

I'm pretty tired.

Will


	13. Into the void

Dear Jemma,

I'm sorry I haven't written in a while. And I know it's been a while because I've devised a rough method of telling the time (I'll tell you about it next time). I guess I've been putting it off. Maybe I was afraid of how you'd react if I told you what happened after the last letter.

I confronted IT. I screamed and demanded to know what the hell it wanted from me. It just stood there and turned away, disappearing into the desert. I was so angry, Jemma. Even IT doesn't care what happens to me. I don't know anymore.

The days are longer without you here. Even before you arrived on this planet, it didn't feel like this. It's getting harder with every moment that passes and every word I write. 

Please don't be mad at me. Heck, be pissed as hell but it'd be hard to see the disappointment on your face. I'd rather see you smile. You deserve happiness, Jemma. Maybe I can't be part of that. Maybe, you were sent here so I could get a taste of heaven before it was snatched away forever. I'm trying to hold on, really I am.

Will


	14. Fading

Dear Jemma,

Were you real? Was I?

Will


	15. Prometheus

Dear Jemma,

It's so cold. So cold.

Will


	16. Tick Tock

Dear Jemma,

I've stopped dreaming.

Will


	17. I love you, love you, love you.

Jemma,

It's okay. You can let me go, Sunshine. You can let go. I lo-

**Author's Note:**

> Err, I uploaded a number of chapters in one go at the end so you might've missed a few. They're woefully short but I hope it gets the message across that Will is really struggling to hold on. It's definitely a cliffhanger if anyone's confused. I'll be writing something Jemma's side of things next. I'll probably be skipping the coming episodes to avoid destroying my vision for the story. It'll be a three-part series in total. Hope you'll stick around. Thanks for reading!


End file.
